Today, explained badly

HONESTLY I HAD TO CHECK IT WAS NOT A JOKE THAT LEARNING A NEW LANGUAGE LITERALLY ALTERS YOUR BRAIN STRUCTURE AND I AM NOT TALKING ABOUT JUST CROSSWORDS THIS LINGUIST WROTE A BOOK SHOWING BILINGUAL PEOPLE ACTUALLY HAVE GREATER GRAY MATTER DENSITY AND STRONGER WHITE MATTER INTEGRITY THAN MONOLINGUALS WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE MANAGING TWO LANGUAGES PLACES ONGOING DEMANDS ON ATTENTION AND BUILDS UP COGNITIVE RESERVE AND THE THING IS STUDIES FOUND BILINGUAL PEOPLE WHO DEVELOP DEMENTIA ACTUALLY SHOW SYMPTOMS AT A LATER AGE THAN PEOPLE WHO ONLY SPEAK ONE LANGUAGE WHICH MEANS IT DOES NOT PREVENT THE UNDERLYING DISEASE BUT GIVES YOUR BRAIN RESILIENCE TO COPE AND ADULTS CAN STILL LEARN UNFAMILIAR SOUNDS AND GRAMMAR THROUGH LIFELONG NEUROPLASTICITY TO STRENGTHEN CONNECTIONS ANYWAY DO NOT QUOTE ME ON ANY OF THAT.

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I PROMISE I AM NOT BEING DRAMATIC BUT HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT WHAT THE ENTIRE CAR INDUSTRY JUST DID? NO YOU HAVE NOT BUT LISTEN TO ME! SIX MAJOR AUTO TRADE GROUPS REPRESENTING LITERALLY EVERY MAJOR AUTOMAKER INCLUDING TESLA AND SEVENTEEN THOUSAND DEALERS JUST SENT A UNIFIED LETTER TO TRUMP BEGGING HIM TO KEEP THE DOOR FIRMLY SHUT ON CHINESE AUTOMAKERS SELLING OR IMPORTING OR EVEN BUILDING CARS IN AMERICA, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE TRUMP JUST SAID ON FOX NEWS LAST WEEK THAT HE WOULD BE TOTALLY FINE WITH CHINA OPENING PLANTS HERE! AND THE THING IS XI JINPING IS VISITING WASHINGTON NEXT WEEK, SO THE INDUSTRY IS SCREAMING THAT SUBSIDIZED CHINESE AUTOMAKERS WILL UNDERMINE FAIR COMPETITION AND HOLLOW OUT THE ADVANCED DEFENSE AND MANUFACTURING BASE, WHICH CANNOT BE REBUILT OVERNIGHT! ANYWAY THAT IS MY WHOLE THING, LET US DANCE.

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YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THIS ONE YET HAVE YOU BECAUSE REPUBLICANS IN FARM STATES ARE LOSING THEIR MINDS RIGHT NOW AND THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ABSOLUTELY INFURIATED ARE FARM-STATE REPUBLICANS FACING TOUGH REELECTIONS AND WHAT THEY ARE FURIOUS ABOUT IS TRUMP'S MOVE TO IMPORT FOREIGN BEEF AS ELECTION DAY APPROACHES AND THE THING IS THIS MOVE GAVE DEMOCRATS AND INDEPENDENTS A RARE OPENING WITH RURAL VOTERS WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THEY ARE TRYING TO WIN THESE TOUGH RACES AND NOW FOREIGN BEEF IMPORTS ARE BLOWING UP THE WHOLE CAMPAIGN AND THE ARTICLE DOES NOT EVEN SAY WHY THE BEEF IS BEING IMPORTED BUT IT HAS EVERYONE IN A COMPLETE PANIC BEFORE VOTING STARTS. OK I HAVE TO SIT DOWN AFTER THAT ONE.

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SO THE PART THAT GOT ME IS THIS: FIRST MILLA JOVOVICH WAS SLINGING GUNS AND DROPPING THOUSANDS OF ZOMBIES IN THE OLD MOVIES, BUT THEN ZACH CREGGER DIRECTS THIS BRAND NEW SONY REBOOT AND THROWS HER CHARACTER COMPLETELY OUT THE WINDOW, AND NOW AUSTIN ABRAMS IS PLAYING A SCRAWNY MEDICAL COURIER NAMED BRYAN WHO CAN BARELY WORK THE SAFETY ON A GUN AND THINKS HE IS JUST DELIVERING A VITAL ORGAN TO A HOSPITAL IN RACCOON CITY, EXCEPT AN UMBRELLA CORPORATION VIRUS LAB LEAK TURNS EVERYTHING INTO UNGODLY NIGHTMARE MONSTERS, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE PAUL WALTER HAUSER AND KALI REIS AND ZACH CHERRY POP UP BRIEFLY WHILE BRYAN IS BASICALLY A ONE-MAN SHOW FIGHTING FOR SURVIVAL AND BEING KIND OF AN IDIOT, AND THE REVIEW CALLS IT GORY AND INFECTIOUS. ANYWAY THE QUEUE FOR THE BAR IS SHORTER NOW.

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TICKETS TO AN ED SHEERAN STADIUM CONCERT DROPPED ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THIRTY-TWO DOLLARS, AND THEN HE WALKED OUT ON STAGE COMPLETELY ALONE IN PHILADELPHIA TO APOLOGIZE TO THE CROWD FOR MAKING MISTAKES, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE MACKLEMORE GOT KICKED OFF HIS LOOP TOUR OVER PRO-PALESTINIAN REMARKS, AND SEVERAL OTHER ARTISTS JUST LEFT THE TOUR ENTIRELY, SO ED SPOKE OUT CALLING OCTOBER SEVENTH HORRIFIC AND CALLING GAZA CATASTROPHIC AND UNJUSTIFIABLE AND DISPROPORTIONATE AND SAID HE NEVER WANTED TO BE AN ACTIVIST BUT CANNOT HIDE HOW HE FEELS ANYMORE AND HE OBJECTS TO VENUES PREAPPROVING PERFORMERS, AND THE SHOW WENT AHEAD WITH PROTESTERS OUTSIDE WAVING FLAGS, BUT FANS REPORTED GETTING REFUNDS AND NEITHER TICKETMASTER NOR THE PROMOTER WILL CONFIRM WHAT IS ACTUALLY GOING ON WITH THOSE.

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