Opinion & Editorial

YOU ARE GOING TO THINK I AM MAKING THIS UP BUT EVERYBODY IS GETTING THE WHOLE HYROX THING BACKWARDS BECAUSE THE NEW YORK TIMES JUST DROPPED THIS PIECE ABOUT THE WHOLE DEBACLE AND OUR ENTIRE SICK RELATIONSHIP TO COMPETITION AND THE THING IS THEY BROUGHT UP A WOMAN ACTUALLY SOILING HERSELF WHICH IS TOTALLY EXTREME BUT THEY ARE ARGUING THAT THE WAY WE ALL TREAT SPORTS RIGHT NOW IS JUST AS DERANGED AND YOU CANNOT TELL ME WE ARE NOT LOSING OUR MINDS OVER WINNING WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE NOBODY WANTS TO ADMIT IT AND WE JUST KEEP PUSHING PAST EVERY REASONABLE BOUNDARY FOR ATHLETIC STATUS AND THEN CALL IT NORMAL. OK THAT IS ME DONE, I SWEAR.

OK SO LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN THE NEW YORK TIMES JUST DROPPED A WHOLE PIECE TODAY CALLING OUT THE HYROX DEBACLE AND OUR SICK RELATIONSHIP TO COMPETITION WHICH MEANS YOU CANNOT KEEP TELLING ME I AM OVERREACTING BRO BECAUSE IT LITERALLY SAYS A WOMAN SOILING HERSELF IS EXTREME BUT ARGUING THAT THE ENTIRE WAY WE TREAT SPORTS RIGHT NOW IS JUST AS EXTREME AND THE THING IS YOU ARE OVER THERE DEFENDING IT LIKE IT IS ALL NOBLE GLORY WHEN THE ESSAY IS STRAIGHT UP SAYING WE ARE OBSESSED WITH WINNING TO A SICKENING DEGREE AND NOBODY HAS EXPLAINED THE REST OF WHAT HAPPENED AT THE EVENT BUT THE TIMES IS FRAMING THE ENTIRE MINDSET AS BROKEN WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE PEOPLE JUST KEEP DEFENDING IT AND I WILL NOT HEAR IT. ANYWAY, ABSOLUTE SCENES.

A New York Times opinion piece argues that an extreme incident during a Hyrox event highlights society's unhealthy obsession with sports competition.

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SO THE PART THAT GOT ME IS THIS: FIRST MILLA JOVOVICH WAS SLINGING GUNS AND DROPPING THOUSANDS OF ZOMBIES IN THE OLD MOVIES, BUT THEN ZACH CREGGER DIRECTS THIS BRAND NEW SONY REBOOT AND THROWS HER CHARACTER COMPLETELY OUT THE WINDOW, AND NOW AUSTIN ABRAMS IS PLAYING A SCRAWNY MEDICAL COURIER NAMED BRYAN WHO CAN BARELY WORK THE SAFETY ON A GUN AND THINKS HE IS JUST DELIVERING A VITAL ORGAN TO A HOSPITAL IN RACCOON CITY, EXCEPT AN UMBRELLA CORPORATION VIRUS LAB LEAK TURNS EVERYTHING INTO UNGODLY NIGHTMARE MONSTERS, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE PAUL WALTER HAUSER AND KALI REIS AND ZACH CHERRY POP UP BRIEFLY WHILE BRYAN IS BASICALLY A ONE-MAN SHOW FIGHTING FOR SURVIVAL AND BEING KIND OF AN IDIOT, AND THE REVIEW CALLS IT GORY AND INFECTIOUS. ANYWAY THE QUEUE FOR THE BAR IS SHORTER NOW.

Fox News reviewed director Zach Cregger's gory reboot of 'Resident Evil,' which stars Austin Abrams as a bumbling courier caught in an Umbrella Corporation viral outbreak in Raccoon City.

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