Star Trek is turning 60 – and the vision it promised feels more distant than ever | Dave Schilling

SO SOMEBODY FINALLY LOOKED INTO IT AND YOU CAN STOP TELLING ME SPACE IS SAFE BECAUSE NOW WE ARE GOING TO HAVE MYSTERY WEAPONS FLOATING OVER OUR HEADS FOREVER, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE IT STARTED WITH STAR TREK TURNING SIXTY THIS MONTH WITH ALL THAT OPTIMISM, AND INSTEAD ON MONDAY AIR FORCE SECRETARY TROY MEINK ANNOUNCED THE US DEPLOYED ON-ORBIT SPACE CONTROL WEAPONS AND REFUSED TO SAY WHAT THEY DO OR WHAT THEY EVEN LOOK LIKE, AND THE THING IS OFFICIALS ARE CITING A TWENTY TWENTY-FOUR REPORT THAT RUSSIA WAS DEVELOPING NUKES TO BLOW UP SATELLITES SO NOW EVERYONE IS JUST MILITARIZING SPACE AND BREAKING THE PEACEFUL UNWRITTEN RULE, WHICH MEANS WE GOT ALIENS INSTEAD OF SPOCK. ANYWAY THAT IS ENOUGH NEWS FOR ONE NIGHT.

SO BASICALLY BACK IN TWENTY TWENTY-FOUR A BIDEN ADMINISTRATION REPORT CLAIMED RUSSIA WAS DEVELOPING NUKES TO DETONATE IN SPACE AND BLOW UP GLOBAL SATELLITES, AND THEN ON MONDAY THE US AIR FORCE JUST STRAIGHT UP ANNOUNCED THEY DEPLOYED THEIR OWN WEAPONS INTO ORBIT, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE STAR TREK IS TURNING SIXTY THIS MONTH AND WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A PEACEFUL SCIENTIFIC UTOPIA WITH PICARD AND DATA INSTEAD OF MILITARIZING THE WHOLE SKY, AND THE THING IS AIR FORCE SECRETARY TROY MEINK CALLED THEM ON-ORBIT SPACE CONTROL WEAPONS TO DEFEND AGAINST HOSTILE ADVERSARIES BUT HE WOULD NOT REVEAL WHAT THEY ARE, WHAT THEY ACTUALLY DO, OR WHAT THEY EVEN LOOK LIKE, SO NOW WE ARE LIVING IN THE ALIENS TIMELINE INSTEAD. ANYWAY WHOSE ROUND IS IT?

As Star Trek turns 60, the US Air Force has announced the deployment of undisclosed space-control weapons, citing increasing orbital militarization by adversaries.

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