PNOE’s new face mask wants to make lab-grade breath testing a self-serve affair

THIS ONE MADE ME PUT MY PHONE DOWN BECAUSE AS OF OCTOBER FIRST YOU DO NOT NEED A TRAINED OPERATOR TO STRAP ON A BANE MASK AND MEASURE YOUR METABOLISM, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THIS STARTUP PNOĒ IS DROPPING A SELF-SERVE VERSION WHERE YOU JUST WALK INTO A GYM, PUT ON THE MASK, PUSH A BUTTON, AND SIT THERE BREATHING FOR EIGHT MINUTES, AND THE THING IS IT MEASURES YOUR VO2 MAX AND TWENTY-THREE BIOMARKERS BY TRACKING OXYGEN AND CARBON DIOXIDE, WHICH MEANS IT FIGURES OUT HOW YOU BURN FAT VERSUS CARBS TO GIVE YOU TRAINING ADVICE, WHICH USED TO REQUIRE EXPENSIVE HOSPITAL LAB EQUIPMENT FOR ELITE ATHLETES, BUT NOW CEO APOSTOLOS ATSALAKIS SAYS IT CAN SIT IN UNSTAFFED FITNESS CENTERS OR EVEN PHARMACIES SO ANYONE CAN TEST THEIR LONGEVITY SCORE. ANYWAY YOU WILL SEE IT ON YOUR PHONE IN AN HOUR.

HONESTLY I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS ONE AND I AM FURIOUS THAT THIS MASSACHUSETTS AND ATHENS STARTUP PNOĒ WANTS US ALL WEARING COMIC-BOOK VILLAIN HEAD STRAPS IN UNSTAFFED GYMS, AND THE THING IS FOR OVER A CENTURY YOU HAD TO GO TO A HOSPITAL SPORTS LAB TO TEST METABOLIC GASES, BUT ON OCTOBER FIRST THEY ARE ROLLING OUT THIS PNOĒ 2.0 HARDWARE WITH FEWER PARTS THAT DOES IT ALL SELF-SERVE IN EIGHT MINUTES FLAT, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE CEO APOSTOLOS ATSALAKIS SAYS IT TRACKS TWENTY-THREE BIOMARKERS INCLUDING YOUR RESTING METABOLIC RATE AND FAT VERSUS CARB BURNING, AND HE CLAIMS THESE METRICS ANSWER QUESTIONS BLOOD TESTS CANNOT WHILE CALLING VO2 MAX THE STRONGEST PREDICTOR OF HUMAN LONGEVITY, SO NOW IT MIGHT LITERALLY SIT IN CORNER PHARMACIES WITHOUT ANY TRAINED OPERATOR. ANYWAY THE DJ IS COOKING, LET US GO.

Startup PNOĒ is launching a self-serve metabolic mask on October 1 that allows users to test their VO₂ max and biomarkers in eight minutes without a trained operator.

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