UK tries to stop Trump's diesel export ban

OK SO LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN IT IS LITERALLY LIKE WHEN YOUR FLATMATE CUTS OFF THE ENTIRE SHARED TOILET PAPER SUPPLY TO FIX THEIR OWN PERSONAL CASH FLOW, AND NOW CHANCELLOR JOHN HEALEY IS IN TALKS WITH US AUTHORITIES BECAUSE DONALD TRUMP THREATENED TO BAN AMERICAN DIESEL EXPORTS TO LOWER DOMESTIC PRICES BEFORE THE MIDTERM ELECTIONS, WHICH IS WILD BECAUSE THE UK RELIES ON THE US FOR A THIRD OF ITS DIESEL IMPORTS, AND UK PUMP PRICES JUST HIT A RECORD HIGH OF OVER ONE HUNDRED AND NINETY-NINE PENCE A LITRE DUE TO SUPPLY PRESSURES FROM WARS IN UKRAINE AND IRAN, SO NOW HEALEY SAYS WE ARE MAKING PROVISIONS AND CHECKING OUR OWN STOCKS WHILE PUSHING FOR A DIPLOMATIC SETTLEMENT BEFORE FUEL DUTY CLIMBS THREE PENCE IN JANUARY. ANYWAY WHERE DID EVERYONE GO?

THIS IS GOING TO SOUND FAKE BUT UK DIESEL LITERALLY BROKE THE RECORD AT 199.18 PENCE A LITRE WHICH BEAT THE 2022 RECORD AND THE RAC MOTORING ORGANISATION SAYS WE ARE IN UNCHARTED TERRITORY, AND DONALD TRUMP IS SERIOUSLY THINKING ABOUT BANNING US DIESEL EXPORTS TO HELP AMERICAN CONSUMERS BEFORE MIDTERMS, WHICH IS TERRIFYING BECAUSE BRITAIN RELIES ON THE US FOR A THIRD OF ITS IMPORTS, SO NOW CHANCELLOR JOHN HEALEY IS IN LIVERPOOL AT THE LABOUR CONFERENCE ADMITTING PRICES ARE EXTREME AND SAYING WE ARE TALKING TO THE AMERICANS WHILE CHECKING OUR OWN NATIONAL STOCKS, AND THE THING IS HE HAS A BUDGET COMING UP ON OCTOBER 28TH WHILE FUEL DUTY RISES BY THREE PENCE IN JANUARY AND ANOTHER TWO PENCE IN MARCH, OK I AM GETTING ANOTHER ROUND, THINK ABOUT IT.

The UK is in talks with US authorities and preparing fuel reserves after Donald Trump threatened to ban American diesel exports.

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